A Petrino Christmas Carol

I thought about running this as a column a while back, but it seemed like we’d had enough on Bobby already in the Sports section. So I throw it on the blog. For what it’s worth . . .

I have no need to read Charles Dickens’ “A Christmas Carol,” this year. I can save a couple of hours by skipping “It’s a Wonderful Life.”

No, all I need this Christmas is the heartwarming story of how Bobby Petrino got his Christmas wish, to coach the University of Arkansas.

It’s a tearjerking story that unfolds in media accounts where Petrino’s agent, Russ Campbell, describes the coach’s side of events that led him to leave the Atlanta Falcons with three games remaining in the season, a day after reassuring the owner that he was committed to being the team’s coach.

In these stories, we are introduced to Falcons’ owner Arthur “Ebenezer” Blank, who paid Bob “Cratchit” Petrino the paltry sum of $4.9 million per year.

We are taken, by Atlanta Journal-Constitution reporters, into the Petrino home, on what we will call Razorback Eve, where we see the coach sitting with his crying family, devastated at perhaps having to wait until the end of the season to talk to Arkansas instead of being allowed to become Razorbacks at once.

Scrooge, um, Blank is described as a severe boss who actually “meddles” in the affairs of the business he owns. He even, Campbell says, once objected to the phrasing of a pregame prayer. Sources say that the phrase that drew his complaint was, “Dear Lord, grant us strength, victory, health, and a multi-year deal in the SEC.”

.

After a miserable Monday Night Football loss, something happens that hasn’t yet made any media account. A source tells me that Petrino was visited by three spirits.

The first is the ghost of tenures past. Petrino sees how happy he was at Louisville, the fun he had negotiating that first million-dollar deal, specifically telling reporters that he was not a candidate for the LSU job, then interviewing (with Campbell’s help) five days later with that very LSU program.

Then another spirit comes, and Petrino is shown the present-day Falcons locker room. Lawyer Milloy says the coach is wasting a year of his life. Petrino is shown a pregame meeting for the Monday night game, a meeting he missed while huddling with owners, and players are asking why, and saying negative things about him. “No,” Bobby yells at himself. “Go to the meeting!” There’s a sign in the locker room, that says “Finish.”

“Will they finish, Spirit?” Bobby asks. But there is no answer.

Finally, an ominous ghost visits Petrino. It looks like Al Davis. He shows Petrino a newspaper from a December in the future. Petrino’s name is not there. He puts him in front of a large screen, and Petrino knows this is his future. He watches an ESPN crawler, but his name never appears. “No! He cries. Don’t make me look!”

.

When he awakens, he shouts out a window to a boy on the street, “What day is it son?” It’s Tuesday. “Thank God,” he says. “It’s not too late.” He meets with Arkansas officials, who have flown into town on a private plane.

That night, in Fayetteville, Petrino raises his hand to a crowd and said, “Woooo, pig suey. God bless us, every one.”

As with all such stories, there’s some quibbling about events. Another source tells us it’s an angel that visits Petrino, showing him what his life would be like without college football, without the inability to treat people however you want and justify it by winning. The angel teaches Petrino he’s truly blessed, and Arkansas friends begin to pour in and throw money on a table for him, last of all his brother, Paul, who toasts him as, “The richest guy in town.”

What’s that they say? Every time a bell rings, Petrino’s agent is taking a call from another team.

That’s right.

Campbell said Petrino was “blindsided” by the criticism coming from Atlanta. Maybe he’d have seen it coming if he’d have taken the time to meet his players face-to-face, or even apologized to Blank for his timing.

Petrino as a put-upon coach, wrongly maligned for wanting to escape an overbearing owner who tried to keep him against his will and dishonestly smeared him once he had left?

Bah. Humbug.

Advertisements

5 thoughts on “A Petrino Christmas Carol

  1. Rubber. Rubber is widly used in the outsole of the athletic shoes. cheap puma shoescheap sport shoes discount puma shoesIt has the advantages of durable, skipproof, flexible, elastic, extensive, stable and proper hardness. But the rubber is weighty and easy to be frosting, nonrecoverable.nike shox torchnike tn dollarcheap nike shoxPU. PU is a kind of macromolecule polyurethane materials which is offten used in the midsole of basktball shoes and tennis shoes. cheap nike shox shoesnike shox r4puma mens shoesSometimes, it is also used in the outsole of casual shoes. PU is durable, strong hardness, upstanding flexbility and more important, it is environmentally friendly. cheap nike max discount nike shox cheap puma ferrari shoesThe disadvantage is also outstanding. Strong hydroscopic property, go yellow easily, easily break apart and the sole is putrescible.EVA. Ethylene –Vinyl Acetate Copolymer?a kind of macromolecule polyurethane materials nike mens shoes nike shox nz discount nike running shoes which is usually used in the midsole of the running shoes and casual shoes. EVA is quite lightweight, elastic, flexible and suitable to a variety of climates. discount nike shoes nike shox shoescheap nike shoes Just as the rubber, it is also nonrecoverable and go dirty easily. PHYLON. Phylon is the product of the EVA after the second processing. nike sports shoes puma running shoes puma sneakers The midsole of running shoes, tennis shoes and basketball shoes in the world is made of the PHYLON. nike air max tn puma cat puma shoes The upstanding hardness, density, traction and extension make it favorite by the manufacture. Besides, the lightweight and good flexibility could prolong the life of the shoes. nike running shoes wholesale nike shoes nike shoes Just as a coin has two sides, Phylon is nonrecoverable and easily shrink under high temperature.TPR. The TPR is made of TPR kernel after fusion. This kind of materials is usually made to running shoes and casual shoes. nike shoes kids nike women shoes

  2. You will never find swimsuit more excellent than in Ed Hardy! ed hardy ugg bootsed hardy love kills slowly bootsed hardy love kills slowlyWe provide you with the sexiest swimwear at present. Wanting to be bright on beach in this ed hardy polo shirtsed hardy love kills slowly shoesed hardy wearAbandoning traditional concepts on sexy swimwear, Ed Hardy adds tattoo upon, which is meaninghow your outline if only you like now! Genuine material admits you to throw your whole worred hardy love kills slowly shirtsed hardy trousersed hardy jacketsIt seems that ed hardy mens shoes was difficult to be able to let you exist out in swimwear, the just fold, flouncing, bow and swim suits, Ed Hardy has been widely worn in open. ed hardy t shirts saleed hardy womens t shirtsed hardy bootsIn the trunks term, the Panerai candy-flush has mainly took the Louis Vuitton Speedy purpose I fondness ed hardy womens Swimwear shirts, and other printing of ed hardy womens clothesed hardy womens shirtsed hardy clothesswimwear in an austere tone proposal combines the exclusive tailoring,wimwear this summer to become the mainstream trend. Cool down, sunshine fair,ed hardy outerweared hardy womensed hardy womens jeansgreen MOISTURE, attractive red no other elements, together with the unique thwart-buckle create worn, immediately show a charming beauty.ed hardy bagsed hardy winter bootsed hardy t shirts Whether it is sexy bikini, or cross-quantity g-startrunks intended to reach new heights with this dynamic.Enjoy yourself on Ed Hardy Bikini Swimsuit please! ed hardy bagsed hardy winter bootsed hardy t shirtsThe desired redden of this type of bag, but once again the label that ed hardy and the Christian Audigier Brand ManageLouboutin at MAGIC in August 2009. ed hardy t shirts for mened hardy mens jeansed hardy mens shoesThe total spectrum of Audigier Brand Management lifestyle brands and crop will be including ed hardy shirts, Christian Audigier, SMET, Crystal Rock, C-Bar-An and Red hardy mens shoesed hardy womens hoodiesed hardy mens teesfood ranging from ment and woment garb, accessories, footwear.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.

%d bloggers like this: