By now you’ve heard, University of Louisville coach Rick Pitino has shot a television ad for vitamin water with former Duke star Christian Laettner, who broke the hearts of UK fans everywhere, and Pitino, with one of the most famous shots in college basketball history.
What you haven’t seen, but what you are about to see, is some of the rejected ad copy from that shoot. What exactly the commercial, which will air during NCAA Tournament games, will be, is under wraps.
REJECTED SCENE 1: RICK PITINO emerges from his front door in a bathrobe, sees LAETTNER, his next door neighbor, shooting hoops in his driveway. PITINO turns to camera and speaks: I’m Rick Pitino. We didn’t have vitamin water in 1992. If we had, I’d have had Aminu Timberlake drinking it, so that when that SOB (pointing to Laettner) stepped on his chest, Aminu could have pulled him down by the leg, ripped out his Achilles tendon with his bare hands, then slapped it on the free throw line for our entire team to dance around. END TAG LINE: “Vitamin Water. It helps you get things off your chest.”
REJECTED SCENE 2: PITINO sees Laettner in his next-door driveway, re-enacting his 1992 moment. Speaks to TV audience. I’m Rick Pitino. Every year at NCAA Tournament time, I watch that guy’s lucky shot and sickening celebration about 50 times in promos and intros for tournament broadcasts. This year, I’m making money off it. END TAG LINE: “Vitamin Water. Enriching Rick Pitino’s bank account, and your health.”
REJECTED SCENE 3: PITINO exits front door, sees LAETTNER doing the same next door, and waves, then faces camera. Hi, I’m Rick Pitino. Every year, I watch Duke coach Mike Krzyzewski do his crappy credit card commercials and fume about the face time and recruiting advantage. This year, I’m like Mike. Hey Coach K, do you like apples? I’m getting free NCAA Tournament face time too, and I’m using your boy to do it! How ya like them apples? END TAG LINE: “Vitamin Water. Improving the health of Rick Pitino’s recruiting profile, one sip at a time.
REJECTED SCENE 4: PITINO faces camera, arm around LAETTNER. I’m Rick Pitino, and I know what you Kentucky fans are thinking. How can he be doing an ad with THAT guy? Well I’ll tell you. Steve Masiello bet me that there was nothing I could do in life that would tick off Wildcat fans more than coaching Louisivlle. I’ll just say this. Stevie, you can pay me any time you like. END TAG LINE: “Vitamin Water. The cure for common contempt.”
Watch this space for more rejected scenes as they become available . . .