Derby weather latest

Hurriedly posting this to get you the very latest . . .

In what is believed to be a first for the Kentucky Derby, track officials today held a special weather pep rally news conference to address the potential watery death inclement weather expected for Derby Day.

Perhaps the biggest adjustment, all agreed, was the switching of the word “sunscreen” with “rain gear” in the media’s insipid indispensible “What to bring” features.

Forecasters locally have been calling for an aquatic apocalypse, complete with horsemen potential severe weather, but today, a spokesman for the Chamber of Commerce National Weather Service said that the organization has revised its conjecture forecast to move the heaviest rain projections to later Saturday night.

Later, high definition cameras caught this Palinesque note scribbled on the NWS official’s hand: “Help me. A track official has a whip pointed at my back.”

In the Churchill Downs barn area, every Kentucky Derby trainer was polled on the expected weather. Each one fabricated gave the same fiction answer: “Perfect. Just what we’re hoping for.”

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